Caroline's Birthday!

Aaaah, I can't believe it's been over a month since I've written…. life has been BUSY, and yet, I don't feel like anything exciting has been happening.  We've kind of been hunkering down the past couple months.  You know your weekends aren't very exciting when your kids have dubbed Saturday "Star Wars Day" because that's the day they get to watch Star Wars with Dad.  It's their latest fetish and you can only imagine how onboard Ben is with the whole thing. But now with warmer weather and longer days ahead, I will be shooing us out of the house...so things should be more interesting around here!!!  The most exciting thing on the horizon is my mother is coming in a few weeks and we will be taking a road trip to Tuscany!  Can't wait!

So, tonight I write about Caroline's birthday. 

 I am quite sure that never in the history of the world has another little girl looked forward with as much anticipation to her birthday as Caroline has…

she's pretty much been counting down the days since December 26.

And I can't tell you how RELIEVED I am it's over! 

We did a little family celebration last Sunday here at the house.  

She insisted on "wall-to-wall decorations" (she read that term in a Berenstain Bear's book and has not forgotten it).  So, Em and I spent an hour decorating while C very impatiently waited in her bedroom.

"Mom!  I'm ready for my partyyyy!"

"Mom!!  I'm ready to come ouuuuut!!!"

Unfortunately, this is the best picture I have of our decorating job… 

Thinking of a wish:

Blowing out the candle on her cookies… because why would you have a cake?

Her favorite gift is her "Brave" bow and arrow set.  She's hilarious with it.  I'll be sitting at the kitchen table and all of a sudden an arrow will come sailing into the room from nowhere.

The other night Ben hit into the chair as he was clearing the table so Caroline decided it was time the chair learned its lesson.  Here she is shooting it at point blank range.

A few days later we hosted a Frozen themed friend birthday party.  Oh my.  I don't know if we'll ever do a party on this scale again.  She invited SIXTEEN kids, and ALL of them came, plus their siblings since it was a school day which meant no dads were around.  I didn't mean for it to be this supersonic.  The problem is that this base has a lot of four year olds, and Miss Personality over here is friends with all of them… the guest list just couldn't be trimmed back…   So, we just went for the gold… go big or go home, right?

We held it at the Community Center, which has a great set up. 

The "ice blocks" are missing.  They were supposed to be blue jello cubes.  Except they were green because I couldn't find blue.  And they were not cubes, they were blobs.  So, I just gave up. 

My artistic friend made the labels, aren't they cute?

Diego was a tad off… 

They built snowmen out of marshmallows, pretzels, mini chocolate chips, and toothpicks.  The kid on the right here is pretty proud of his mutant creation

The moms jumped in and helped make everything run smoothly

James just kind of roamed the party, trying to fly under the radar

We played this elimination game similar to musical chairs, where they all danced around to Frozen music and then jumped on a plate… in theory it would work well with maybe 8-10 kids.  We had 24 playing, so it was kinda crazy.  I was just happy we had beautiful weather.  It's not often we have nice weather on March 16!

The piñata of course was the biggest hit (no pun intended, hehe). 

All 25 kids just lined up single file to take a whack at it. 

Then the stampede for the candy

Cake and ice cream:

And that's how it's done!

As we were sweeping up the last of the cake crumbs Emily asked if she could go home and start making her bday invitations.  

Shoot me now. 

On Parenting a Four Year Old

Warning:  This is a brutally honest post about parenting.  It is not my intent to disparage any of my kids, but instead reflect on my personal challenges and improvements I can make.

One fact about my life blows my mind every time I think about it.

I have three kids.

I swear, wasn't I in college the other day?

As any one with kids knows, parenting isn't exactly a stroll in the park…

Presently, my biggest challenge as a parent can be summed up in one word:  Caroline.

 I love her to death, but she is like a vampire that sucks every ounce of  parenting energy/willpower that exists in me.  I was telling Ben the other day, if you had to break down the percentage of energy that each child requires of me, it would look something like this:

Emily: 2%
James: 15%
Caroline: 83%

Caroline is a bundle of energy, fun, excitement, movement, laughter, and personality... yet at the same time she is strong-willed, opinionated, loud, defiant, moody, demanding, irrational, unyielding, deceptive (this is new),  and the worst eater on the face of the planet.

In other words, she's a trip.

I'm just trying to be honest, I love all my children, but as anyone with more than one child knows, they can be so different from each other and challenging at so many different levels.

I keep thinking Caroline is going to grow out of this "phase."  Emily was a difficult three year old too.  And then a couple months after she turned four she turned a corner… she became more pleasant, agreeable, rational, and mature…. Yes, MATURE, as a FOUR year old.  These same adjectives still describe her today.

So, I just figured C would follow the same trajectory… three was difficult, but no worries, four is right around the corner!  But now, at four and eleven months, she is just as difficult, if not more so, than she was at three.

How could this beautiful child be difficult?  It defies explanation!

Here is an example of her recent irrationality driving me to insanity:

She has a fixation with the word, "Ok"

M: Caroline, go put your shoes on.
C: Ok. (waiting for my reply) OK!... I said OK!!!
Me: Ok Caroline!
C: Ok….OK!!
M:  Caroline, only say OK once, ok?
C:  OK. (waiting)   OK!!

We now have a rule that if she says "Ok" more than one time, she gets a strike, three strikes in one day means no television... tv is her currency, the world ends if she doesn't get to watch television.  So far it's been working.

The mornings are especially challenging.  She has preschool at 9:00 and it's closer to 10:00 before we get there.

Getting dressed is like participating in an exhausting debate match.  Every day she wants to wear a skirt.  Every day I tell her that she can, as long as she wears leggings, because it's WINTER.  And every day it's like I'm telling her this for the first time… she bursts into crocodile tears and throws herself on the floor because I am making her wear leggings. Yes, I can threaten her with pants instead, which is what I usually do to get her to wear the skirt and leggings… but the whole exchange every morning just wears me down.  By the way, any wardrobe suggestion I make to her, she automatically vetoes.  I can pick three viable outfits, and tell her to pick one.  She'll look them over and say, "I don't want any of those" and then will go pick something else out, like a t-shirt and skirt for 30 degree weather.

So here is what we've started doing:

We have been picking out her clothes the night before.  Yes, she still has VERY strong opinions on what she'll wear, but it makes the morning smooth because there's no fuss.  In fact, this morning she was all dressed from head to toe before she even came out of her room.  She was so excited to surprise me!  And I was in heaven.  Hopefully we can keep this up… it just means I need to be on top of my game every night…

Dressed by herself!  With leggings to boot!

Breakfast is usually always an ordeal,

Caroline, what do you want for breakfast?

What is there for me to have?

You can have eggs, pancakes, sticky cheerios (Hone Nut Cheerios), regular Cheerios, Wheat Chex, or oatmeal squares.  (I'm starting to see that maybe I'm giving her too many choices??)

I don't want any of those.

What do you want?

A snack.

And the discussion goes on and on until she eventually settles for sticky Cheerios and apple juice.

So, just the other morning, when we were in a rush, I simply poured her a bowl of sticky Cheerios before consulting her and put it in front of her… (luckily I hadn't poured the milk in yet)

I don't want that.  I want Wheat Chex

Wheat Chex??  Are you sure you'll really eat that?

Yes. I will.  I want Wheat Chex.

She takes one bite of Wheat Chex.  Actually I don't want Wheat Chex.  I want sticky Cheerios.

Um, no.  You said you wanted Wheat Chex.  You're having Wheat Chex.

Instantly bursts into crocodile tears yelling she will not eat them.

Five bites of Wheat Chex later, we are 45 minutes late to preschool, because I stuck to my guns.  (I know you're thinking I should not let her go to p.s. when she pulls this on me… and believe me, I have kept her home plenty of times.)

This also happened last week:

Caroline announces she's full and doesn't want to eat any more sticky Cheerios.  There are just a few floating on top of the milk…

Let's just finish the Cheerios so I don't have to throw them away.  (I pick up spoon and put it to her lips)

No!!!  My tummy hurts!  I'm full!  I don't want anymore!

I drop the spoon and head to the shower.  I'm going to jump in the shower.  If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom.

Two minutes later as I'm enjoying my relaxing shower I hear her screaming and crying.  She eventually makes her way to the bathroom crying loudly

What's wrong?

I'm hungry!!!

Go finish your breakfast!

You said you were going to help me!!!  I'm so hungry!!!  I can't eat them by myself!!!  You said you would help me!!

She lays down on the bathroom floor howling for the remainder of my shower.

Can you see how I'm ready to strangle her before 10 a.m.?

And one last story, if you can stand it.  Lately she has been purposefully deceiving me.

Emily was putting together a lego set with Caroline and came to me saying she was missing a piece.  I went into her room where she was assembling it on her dresser.  I looked through all the pieces scattered on the dresser.  I pulled out the entire dresser from the wall and looked behind it.  I pushed it back against the wall and looked under the dresser.  I looked under the bed.  Caroline stood watching me go through this whole ordeal.  I finally announced to Em I can't help her. I don't know what could have happened to the missing lego piece.  Caroline, who is clutching a purse, then very innocently says, "Oh, let me check my purse."  She opens her pink contraption and starts fumbling through it.  I grab it out of her hands and pull out the missing lego piece.

Caroline!  Did you put this in here?!

(all innocently) oh, I forgot I put it in there.

I couldn't believe how she manipulated this whole scenario and relished watching me and Em in distress looking for this missing lego when she knowingly had it in her possession the whole time!  Em would never DREAM of doing something like that.  Is this a bad sign of things to come?!  What will she be like as a teenager?!  Ben says she has no conscience and she gets that from ME!  Can you believe the nerve?  I definitely have a conscience.

So, here are some changes I'm trying to make.

First, prayer.  I need to include Heavenly Father in what I consider to be my biggest challenge right now.  I know that when I spend time praying and pleading for help, I feel His strength and presence throughout the day.

Second, my attitude.

I need to stop comparing her to Emily.  Stop wishing/hoping/expecting her to turn into a "golden child."  She is a unique individual with different gifts, personality, and needs.  She is Caroline!  And she is wonderful!

I have to be careful to not "peg" her as my "difficult" child and Em as my "easy" child, because their behavior patterns are fluid, not rigid…  for example, tonight Caroline was more cooperative at dinner and ate more spaghetti than Emily!  She is also a very enthusiastic table setter while getting Em to do it is like pulling teeth.  So, I shouldn't say or think that one child is this way and the other is that way… it's unhealthy for me and for them to hear that about themselves.  Plus, it's just not true all the time anyway.

Patience, patience, patience.  I'm always seeking more patience.  Why is it a trait I've always seemed to lack?  She's a CHILD and she's on a journey and I have the responsibility as her mother to guide and teach her how to become a decent human being.  It doesn't just happen… it's up to me to show her the way… with patience.

And a few tricks… I made this poster recently….

Close up:

As you can see, she struggles with eating her dinner…. but hey, eating breakfast is going better!

Every night, even though I'm dog tired, before we go to bed we go over each task and she gets to put a sticker on each one that she completed by herself.  The goal is to reach ten… we tally up the score, talk about what she did well, and what she can work on better tomorrow.  If she gets an 8 or higher, she can pick out a dvd to rent at the furniture store (which is the equivalent of heaven on earth for her). So far, she has not scored an 8. BUT she is doing better, she really is.  And now the expectations are much clearer for her.

And she just started going to an occupational therapist once a week.  This is a big commitment for me… it's a 40 minute drive and takes up an entire morning.  I'm really hoping it will be worth the time and help her overcome her fear of food and textures.  

And any other ideas/suggestions are more than welcome, ok?  OK?!?!  Ok.

January Blues, Birthday, and MLK

So, I've got the January Blues, real bad.  

I have this memory of sitting with my friends around our jr. high lockers on a cold, dark January morning.  Back in our day we had to catch the bus super early so it could make the rounds to pick up the elementary school kids after us… we'd get to school 30-40 minutes early.  

My friends were complaining what a horrible month January was, in fact, the WORST month.  Naturally, I was offended because I was born in January, and as a lone voice in the wilderness, I fiercely came to its defense…

Well, over twenty years later, I'm here to consent defeat… January is THE worst month.  Even though it's my birth month.  So sad, but true.  It's harder here because the sun never shines.  Like, NEVER.  Ok, maybe a handful of times a month, but really, 90% of the days this winter have been overcast and dreary and WET…   After two years of living here I'm still not used to it.

How do you combat the January blues?  Yesterday I changed into my pjs at 5 pm, closed my door, and curled up in bed with a book.  Probably not the best decision as things with the kids quickly deteriorated outside my bedroom door. Also, I've been daydreaming A LOT about Tuscany.  My mom is coming in April and we are headed to Italy!  It's hard to not wish the time away…. so instead I blog, and reflect upon all I've been blessed with, even in the month of January.

Over the New Year's holiday Ben and I went to ski in the Black Forest.  The skiing was horrible… sleet and ice, but we got to see the beautiful Lake Titisee. I find the Black Forest so enchanting 

I turned 35 this year.  Holy Hannah, I can't believe I'm in my mid-thirties.  The girls were soooo excited for my birthday and it made for a very looooong day waiting for Ben to come home from work.  C couldn't BELIEVE that he had to work on my birthday.  

Can you sense the excitement?

Naturally, dressing in Elsa costumes is the best way to celebrate any birthday. 

Sadly, this is the best pic I have of me on my birthday.  By the end of the day I was like, "Let's get this party over with!!!"  

BUT he did make an amazing cake.  I think he thrived on the challenge… 

And just a random picture.  Sometimes you just have to laugh instead of cry. 

One nice thing about the military is that every federal holiday is a four day weekend.  Ben had Friday and Monday off of MLK weekend, so we went on a snow trip to Austria!  Notice the blue sky??  You have to leave Stuttgart to find it!

A ski trip is a bit ambitious with three little ones… Ben and I switched off… I got to ski for a whopping  two hours one afternoon… it was so much fun though!  So fun to do something that's physically challenging, thrilling, and has nothing to do with the responsibilities of being a wife or mother… freedom!  An outlet just for me.  It was worth the trip just to have those two hours.  Oh, and what also made the trip was our hotel… they do this thing called "half board" where they serve you breakfast AND dinner… this place had a fantastic restaurant and it was so nice to have someone else plan the meals, cook, and do the dishes.  Now that is a vacation!  

We did the Ravensburger's Frozen puzzle like 15 times

Sledding

Now, this was the most memorable part of our trip:

We went on a toboggan run.  

I've never seen such a thing in the States.   Basically, you take a SKI LIFT to the top of a mountain and toboggan down a designated trail… we've heard about these runs in Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. 

Ben and Em were the first ones to give it a go.  C, J, and I waited in the van at the bottom of the run. We waited a LONG time.  Like 45 minutes.  Could it really take that long to come down the mountain?  Finally I saw them cruise on down… and I thought I heard Em squealing in delight, but I heard wrong.  She was crying in misery.  She walked over tear stained, soaking wet, and absolutely miserable.  Ben didn't give much detail except for, "Yeah, she didn't like it."  

"Well, if she didn't like it there's no way Caroline is going to like it."  

"No, you should still take her.  It's good for her to experience. These kids need to toughen up." 

That was all the convincing we needed.  We hopped on the lift.

The fresh snow from the day before made it so beautiful!

We went up and up and up… I didn't realize it would take us to the very TOP of the mountain... can you tell how high we are?  Those tiny houses down there are how far we have to sled down… and yes, that is someone on SKIS.  

Poor thing, totally unsuspecting

Well, as you can imagine, it did NOT go very well with C.  It took us a total of 30 minutes to get down… you're basically going down switchbacks, some parts are slow and some parts are way too fast.  And it's hard to maneuver a toboggan with a screaming child on your lap, no steering, no brakes.  I took this pic about half way down, because, like I said before, sometimes you just have to laugh instead of cry. 

We didn't ever crash, but there was so much snow kicked up in our faces… I knew we weren't equipped right when I noticed everyone going down the hill had helmets and goggles.  This was serious business. 

After dropping miserable C back in the van, I asked Ben if I could just go on my own, I had to figure this thing out.  Obviously we were doing something wrong if our kids were hating it so much. The girls were mysteriously cured of their trauma with Frozen playing in the van and I jumped on the lift again. Back at the top I found kids running and laughing in delight as they started down the hill:  

So I went on my own, and it was pretty fun.  It's definitely easier to maneuver without a screaming child.  I guess next time they'll need to take their own toboggan down.  But I could see how older children and teenagers would just LOVE this. My sister Beck's boys, for instance.  It would be perfect for the Griffins.  

It was just funny to me how nonchalant the Austrians were about the whole thing… I mean I asked our hotel receptionist where we could do some family sledding and this is where she recommended.  I asked if we could take our ONE year old down and she said sure, it would be just fine.  I asked the lady selling the lift tickets if it was safe for our ONE year old, and she said, yes, just hold him on your lap.  Luckily James was spared the torture, I can't even imagine trying to take him on this.  But there's something to be said for the Germans' grit and fearlessness… I sense that their kids are a lot tougher than mine!

And there you have it… that was definitely our January highlight.  See, it's not all that bad.