Baba

 Today marks four years since my dad's passing.  

 Naturally my thoughts turn to him this time of year.

My little sister recently lamented how unfair it is that Dad got to be a grandpa or "baba" to the children of the four oldest siblings (Rebekah, Phil, Trav, and myself) while he wasn't around to meet the future children of the four youngest siblings (Reed, Dennis, Bonnie, and Mary). 

This got me thinking about the sweet but short-lived memories I have of him and Emily.  Emily was just 18 months when he passed away, and of course he was gone before Caroline and James were on the scene.  So, Bonnie don't feel too bad.  We all got short changed… we're all missing out on Dad being a grandfather to our kiddos.  

So today I thought I would just share my favorite memories of him and little Emily. They are unique and quite special.   And the entry is a little long.  So, no offense taken if you don't read all of it.  It's mostly for posterity anyway.

 It all started when Ben deployed to Afghanistan, leaving me 8 months pregnant and alone at Ft. Campbell, Tennessee.  The plan was for my mother to fly out for the birth.  Well, the Saturday morning before her arrival I got a call from Dad informing me that Mom had been in a bike accident in Moab and had broken her nose and her jaw, and had several cuts to her face and head.  She would NOT be making it our for the birth.  He told me this news in his typical dry, matter-of-a-fact way, whereas I was just trying to hold it together on the other end of the line.  I was sad for my mom and extremely disappointed she wouldn't be there. And I was scared. He just said, "Don't worry.  We'll figure out something.  Maybe Beck can come out."  And she did!

 Emily was a COLICKY newborn.  It wasn't in the original plans, but because I was having such a hard time with her, Mom and Dad convinced me to come stay with them for the summer while Ben was gone.  It didn't take much convincing.  And it turned out to be a huge blessing.   And now the sweet memories from that summer with her and my parents are priceless.  It was one of those cases of Heavenly Father consecrating my afflictions for my gain.

1.  I remember distinctly that flight to Utah when Emily was just 6 weeks old.  She slept most of the flight, but once we landed it was game on.  She screamed her little lungs out as we deboarded the plane, and kept wailing as I made the way to baggage claim.  Her cry echoed throughout the airport and I was mortified as people kept looking our way.  But then I spotted Dad, waiting for me at baggage claim.  He had a huge smile on his face.  He scooped her up, and laid her up against his chest.  She INSTANTLY stopped crying.  It was uncanny.  Of course my dad got all misty eyed, it's probably the most tender memory I have of the two of them together.

2.  She screamed the whole two hours home in the car seat.  I remember trying to have a conversation with Dad, but it was impossible.  Dad was patient and said not to worry, it didn't bother him.  He pulled over in the canyon so I could nurse her.

3.  Dad loved to come home after work and see Emily.  His initial magic touch didn't seem to have any longevity because she cried no matter who was holding her.  But he loved to tell us how he told his patients all about Emily.  He said she looked like an otter.  Really, Dad?  How nice.  But he also mentioned she looked like a perfect doll, which was true.  He said it seemed she held the weight of the world on her shoulders, because she always had the most serious look on her face.

What do you think?  Does she look like an otter?

I would say more like a doll

4.  Dad had some interesting techniques on how to calm Emily's colicky ways.  He tried to get me to give her Lortab.  You know, being a doctor he just had a spare bottle of Lortab handy in the outside refrigerator, no big deal.  Being a new cautious mother I was like, "Uh, I don't think so."  But he kept insisting, just a few drops and she'll be sure to sleep better.  And the one time I gave it to her, she did!  He was very proud of that.

5.  We went to the cabin that summer and he used to always swear that everyone sleeps better at the cabin.   He predicted Emily would sleep straight through, no problems.  And she did!  Again, he was very proud of that.  

Back when I used to be skinny after having kids

6.  Another technique he used to help calm her was pushing her up the road to the canal for a midnight stroll (along the same road Dad and I had gone on countless walks, and incidentally, the same road where he died).  He thought the cool summer night air and the moonlight had a calming affect on her.  I remember one night I got out of the shower and found Dad sitting at the table studying.  I confusedly asked, "Where's Emily?!"  In his nonchalant way he answered, "She's outside."  I threw the door open and found her fast asleep in her stroller.  I couldn't believe my dad would leave her outside in the dark by herself.  Must have been his easy going Emery County ways.  

7.  One day the three of us went for a walk up that same road.  I remember Dad asking, "Do you think I'll be alive to meet Emily's children?"  Dad was always thinking ahead.  I thought it was such a sweet thought. "I don't know!"  I responded.  "I hope so!"

8.  One afternoon when Dad came home from work, he suggested we go take some pictures with the baby in the garden.  That's not really like my dad to suggest a spontaneous photo shoot, but now I consider the pictures priceless.  He sure was proud of his garden!

9.  When I got that phone call from Ben saying there was a chance he might come home early from his 15 month deployment to be the rear detachment commander, my parents were ecstatic for me.  I explained to Dad that Ben was happy, but had mixed emotions as he felt guilty leaving the men in his battery behind.  Dad kept reassuring me that it was a huge blessing.  Just a huge blessing.  I think he recognized God's hand in it.  So after 11 weeks I went back to TN to be reunited with Ben.  It was such a blessing for Emily to be there that summer and my parents to be able to bond with her, especially my dad since he would be gone the next year.  

 Here are pics from the following year, the same year we lost him:

We came out from Virginia for my brother's wedding

Bear Lake during our summer trip to Utah, just three months before his passing

Mom and Dad came out to D.C. in October, just one month  before his passing

The stone wall at Fredericksburg, the last day of his visit.  Really, the last time we spent with him

And sadly the next time we saw him… 

I don't mean for these pictures to be overly sad.  But I have to say, the morning I found out about my father's death, I was sitting on the edge of the bed on the phone with my mom when she broke the news to me. I was wailing and sobbing and so upset.  Em came running in from the other room.  She was confused as to why I was crying my eyes out.  She crawled up in my lap and let me embrace her and hold her close.  She truly was a comfort at that time.  

Anyway, I don't want this post to be sad… I'm mostly just grateful for the wonderful father and grandfather Dad was.  And I don't want to diminish the fact that my children have WONDERFUL living grandparents.  Mom, and Pat and Nancy are all wonderful with the kids and have very special bonds with them.   For that I am extremely grateful, and for the fact that families are eternal.  

And now I have a great bedtime story to read to Emily tonight.  Yay!